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Self-awareness · Self-leadership · Lasting change

# 5 small steps towards change – begin where you are

## Understand where you are, find what matters to you, explore obstacles and take a small step. Five steps towards change with room for reflection and adjustment.

Gentle Change By Elin 10 September 2026
Updated 20 October 2026

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Create Change – Inside Out

Six modules, beginning with Start where you are.

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## How do I begin changing my life?

Do you want to change something in your life but are not quite sure where to begin? Perhaps you know exactly what you want, but find it hard to make it happen. Or perhaps you mainly feel that something is not quite right, that you long for things to be different. You may already have tried several times. Made up your mind, found your motivation and got started, only to find yourself back where you began after a while.

It is easy to think this is about a lack of discipline, motivation or willpower. That you simply need to try a little harder. But change is rarely that simple.

We all have different experiences, needs and circumstances. We carry established patterns, beliefs about ourselves and ways of dealing with life that we have developed along the way. Change also needs to fit into an everyday life where many other things already need to work.

That is why I believe we sometimes need to begin at a different point. Before thinking about everything we should do differently, we need to understand a little more about ourselves. Where we are, what we need and what we actually want.

Here are five small steps that may help you get started. With a little more understanding of yourself, and with the life you actually live as your starting point.

01 / 05

## Start where you are – not where you think you should be

![Open notebook, a pencil and a cup on a light table.](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/images-optimized/reflection-journal-1-col-640.avif)

Give a thought a little room before deciding on your next step.

When we want to change something, we often look ahead. Towards what we want to achieve, how we want to feel or what we want to do differently. To find a way forward, we also need to know where we are starting, and to discover where we actually are, we sometimes need to pause.

In an everyday life where much runs on routine, it is easy to keep doing what we usually do without really noticing how we are doing, what we feel or what we need. Becoming more aware does not have to be complicated. It might mean sitting quietly for a moment, taking a few conscious breaths, going for a walk without listening to anything, or simply pausing in the middle of the day to ask yourself:

How am I really doing?

Give yourself a little room to listen inwardly.

Perhaps you want to exercise regularly, but your everyday life barely leaves room for recovery. Or you want to get better at setting boundaries, but are used to putting other people's needs before your own.

As you begin exploring your current situation, try setting judgement aside. You do not need to decide whether you are doing things right or wrong. Start by noticing how things actually are. This gives you a more realistic starting point for the change you want to create.

### A moment for reflection

A moment for reflection: What is already working well in my life? What would I like to change? And what do I need to take into account given my situation right now?

02 / 05

## Understand what you long for and why it matters to you

We are often quite good at describing what we do not want. Less stress, fewer obligations, less time on our phones.

But what do you want instead?

As long as we mainly describe what we want to move away from, it is easy to keep directing our attention towards it. When we begin putting what we actually want into words, it becomes easier to notice possibilities and actions that can take us in that direction.

Our attention is selective. The brain cannot process everything around us equally, but prioritises, among other things, what is relevant to our goals and expectations. That is why clarifying what we want to move towards can be helpful, rather than focusing only on what we want to avoid.

Perhaps the wish to exercise is not just about exercise itself, but about a need to feel stronger, have more energy or be able to do things that matter to you. Perhaps wanting to set boundaries is about a need for recovery, freedom or time for your relationships.

Behind what we want to change, there is often something we need or value. Once you have put what you long for into words, take a moment to consider why it matters. And once you have answered, try asking why again. Sometimes we need to move beyond the first, fairly obvious answers to understand what the change actually means to us.

Research on motivation highlights, among other things, the importance of self-determination and experiencing personal meaning in what we do. There is a difference between changing something because we feel we should and doing it because we see its value for ourselves.

That is exactly why your reasons need to be your own. Rooted in what you personally find important, regardless of what social norms, colleagues, family or people around you think you should do. The more clearly you understand what matters to you, the easier it may become to use it as guidance when making choices.

### A moment for reflection

Consider: What do I want to make more room for in my life? What need lies behind that longing? And why does it mean something to me personally?

03 / 05

## Explore what helps you and what gets in the way

Knowing what we want does not always mean we do it. We can have knowledge, willingness and a clear picture of what we wish to change, yet still carry on as usual. There can be many explanations for this.

Our behaviour is influenced by everything from established patterns, thoughts and feelings to our surroundings, relationships and the energy we have available. Sometimes we do things almost automatically. At other times, we choose what feels easiest or safest in the moment, even though we want something different in the longer term.

Imagine that you want to get better at saying no. You know you need to prioritise recovery, but when someone asks for help, you still say yes.

Perhaps you do not want to disappoint anyone. Perhaps you are used to always being there for others. Or perhaps you simply have not had much practice expressing your own needs.

When we begin understanding why we do what we do, it also becomes easier to notice what we may need to do differently. Even before you begin making a change, it can therefore be useful to explore what might help you move forward and what could make it difficult.

Is there something in your everyday life that needs to change? Something you need to prepare? Someone who can support you? Or a familiar way of thinking or acting that you need to become more aware of?

This is not about predicting and solving absolutely everything, but about giving yourself better conditions from the start.

### A moment for reflection

Take this question with you: What usually helps me when I want to make a change, and what do I know from experience often makes it difficult?

04 / 05

## Take a small step that works in your real life

Perhaps you already have a little more understanding of where you are, what you want and what may affect your ability to move forward. You can begin using that understanding as you plan your next step.

Instead of simply deciding what you will do, you can create a plan that takes into account what you actually know about yourself and your everyday life. And the first step does not need to be big.

If you want to make more room for recovery, you might start with five minutes to yourself after work. If you want to get better at setting boundaries, you could start by giving yourself time to think before saying yes.

The small step may feel insignificant, but it gives you a chance to begin turning your wishes into action and to keep going even when life happens and your circumstances change.

Research shows that concrete action plans can help us move from intention to action. Deciding when and in which situation we will do something can make it easier to actually get started.

You may also need to free up time, ask for help or set something else aside to make room for the new.

### A moment for reflection

Try it yourself: Choose a small action that takes you in the direction you want to go. Decide when you will do it and what could help you make it happen. Consider what an even smaller version might look like on days when you have less energy.

05 / 05

## Follow up, get to know yourself and adjust along the way

Change rarely follows a straight line. Some days things work as we intended; other days they do not work at all. And this is often where we begin to doubt ourselves.

I knew I would not manage it. I have no discipline. Now I have to start all over again.

Perhaps you recognise these thoughts. Sometimes they are old beliefs about ourselves resurfacing. It is important to distinguish between what actually happened and how we interpret it. Not doing what you had planned is an event. Taking it to mean that you lack discipline or will never succeed is an interpretation, not an unquestionable truth.

Could you try a different thought that helps you move forward?

It did not work this time. What can I learn from that?

Setbacks are part of the process of change. We do not need to make them bigger than they are.

Was the step too big? Did you have too little energy? Did it clash with something else? Or do you simply need to try a different approach?

Research on habit formation shows that the time it takes for a behaviour to become more automatic can vary greatly. Missing a single occasion need not significantly affect the process either.

What matters is giving yourself the chance to learn along the way. Try also to show yourself the same compassion you would show your best friend who is trying. It helps a great deal.

### A moment for reflection

After a week, take a few minutes to reflect on what worked, what was difficult and what you want to adjust. Perhaps you will discover something about yourself that makes the next step a little easier.

Start there.

Every small step gives you an opportunity to learn, develop and build further.

## Which step would you like to start with?

You do not need to change everything at once. Nor do you need to have the whole path worked out.

Perhaps these five steps have helped you notice something you had not thought about before. A need you want to start listening to more closely, a pattern that influences your choices or a small action you want to try.

And remember that you may never feel completely ready. Sometimes confidence in our own ability only comes when we start trying, gain experience and discover that we can do more than we thought.

Would you like to keep exploring self-awareness and self-leadership? Create Change – Inside Out is my online programme with six modules, the first of which is Start Where You Are. Read about the programme and see whether it could be your next step.

[Explore Create Change – Inside Out](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/online-programs/inside-out/) [Read about Monthly inspiration](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/newsletter/)

## Sources and further reading

1. [Ryan, R. M. & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78.](https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2000_RyanDeci_SDT.pdf)
2. [Gollwitzer, P. M. & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-analysis of Effects and Processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119.](https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1)
3. [Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W. & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40, 998–1009.](https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674)

[Continue reading about self-awareness](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/knowledge/self-awareness/)

## What would you like to explore further?

Which of the five steps sparked something for you? Share your thought, or ask about coaching to explore your own direction. You are warmly welcome to email or call me.

## Frequently asked questions about starting with small steps

Let the guide meet your everyday life. Here are answers to questions that may come up as you begin to try.

### Do I need to do all five steps at once?

No. Start with what feels relevant where you are right now. You may first need to pause and understand your current situation before deciding on an action. You can return to the steps and adjust along the way.

### What if I do not know what I want to change?

Begin by noticing how you are doing, without judgement. What is already working well? What feels uncomfortable, and what do you need? If you know what you want less of, you can then explore what you want to make more room for instead.

### Why do I need to understand my own reasons?

Your reasons help you distinguish what you personally value from things you feel you should do. Ask what need lies behind your longing and why it matters to you. This can guide you when choosing a next step.

### Why do I not do what I want, even when I feel motivated?

Willingness is one part of the picture. Established patterns, thoughts, feelings, relationships and available energy also affect your actions. Explore what usually helps and what gets in the way. You may need preparation, support from someone or more room in everyday life.

### How do I choose a small enough step?

Choose an action that fits your real life and decide when you want to try it. This could be five minutes to yourself after work or taking time to think before saying yes. Consider an even smaller version for days when you have less energy.

### What if I do not manage to make an attempt?

Distinguish the event from your interpretation of it. A missed attempt does not mean you lack discipline or will never succeed. Ask what happened: was the step too big, your energy too low, or did it clash with something? Adjust and try again.

### How do I follow up without judging myself?

After a week, take a few minutes to consider what worked, what was difficult and what you want to adjust. Try treating yourself with the same compassion you would show a friend who is trying. The aim is to learn about your needs and circumstances, not to grade yourself.

### What could my next step after the article be?

Choose one small action or reflection to try. If you would like to explore further, [Create Change – Inside Out](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/online-programs/inside-out/) is an online programme with six modules. You can also read about [Monthly Inspiration](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/newsletter/).