# Self-awareness – get to know yourself ## Explore your thoughts, feelings and needs with greater curiosity. Discover everyday examples and a four-step reflection exercise to help you put what matters to you into words. Try a moment of reflection [Explore all guides](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/knowledge/) Self-awareness · A guide from me to you ## What if you could meet yourself with a little more curiosity? Perhaps you know exactly what other people need. You notice when someone is tired, when the mood changes and when it is time to help. Yet turning the same question towards yourself does not always bring an easy answer. What do I need? What do I actually want? For me, change begins with understanding. Here, I would like to invite you to pause and notice what is happening in your life, making room for both what feels difficult and what makes you feel alive. 01 / Understand ## What is self-awareness? Self-awareness means noticing, exploring and understanding your thoughts, feelings, needs, values and ways of acting. It is about becoming more aware of what influences you, what matters to you and the patterns you carry with you. You can begin in an ordinary day. Notice a quick yes, unexpected irritation or a moment when you feel fully present. What happened? What did it stir in you? What might your reaction tell you? Each observation can become a small piece in your understanding of yourself, giving you more room to make conscious choices. Your own direction What matters to me? - Thoughts - Feelings - Needs - Values - Behaviours and patterns More keys to self-awareness ## Understand more of yourself in everyday life Self-awareness is more than noticing signals and being curious. It includes understanding your motivations, strengths, vulnerabilities, reactions and recurring patterns, and how they shape your choices and relationships. - Understand what I feel and need - Recognise what triggers or influences me - See recurring patterns and reactions - Know what matters to me and why - Notice the difference between what I really want and what I do through habit, fear or adaptation - Understand how I affect others and relate to them 02 / Notice ## Small moments may have something to tell you. Perhaps something here feels familiar. Treat these questions as invitations to explore, and choose the one that feels relevant to you. ### You say yes before checking in. Your diary is already full, but an “of course” slips out almost automatically. Only afterwards do you notice that you wanted the evening to yourself. What would I have liked to consider before answering? ### You become hard on yourself. Something does not go as planned, and soon your thoughts are about your whole self. Try returning to the single event and describing it as concretely as you can. What happened, and what would I say to someone I care about? ### You are longing for something more. Most things work, but something you enjoy has gradually taken up less space. A conversation, creativity, movement or unplanned time may be worth pausing to notice. When did I last feel engaged or present? One situation, several possible perspectives ## It begins with an ordinary message. Imagine someone asks for help on your evening off. You say yes but feel irritated afterwards. Instead of deciding quickly what your reaction means, you can explore a few different parts. Perhaps this fits your experience, or perhaps there is another explanation. Let your own words be the starting point. You do not need to decide who you are based on one situation. What happened I was asked and answered straight away. What I thought I thought the other person would be disappointed if I said no. What I noticed I felt irritated and had actually wanted a quiet evening. What I want to try Next time I would like to say: “I need to look at my day first.” 03 / Try it yourself ## A little time with yourself. Choose an everyday event that feels easy to approach. Open one step at a time and reflect quietly or write on paper. A few sentences are enough. Your reflections stay with you. Describe the moment. ### What happened, as concretely as possible? Begin with what could be seen or heard: where you were, what was said and what you did. Keep the description small enough to take in. For example: “Someone asked me a question at lunch and I said I could help.” Notice your experience. ### What did you think and feel? Try to distinguish the event from your interpretation of it. You can also notice your body. If the words do not come straight away, “I do not know yet” is a place to pause. You might begin: “I thought … I felt … I noticed …” Make room for a need. ### What did you need in that particular moment? It might be clarity, rest, connection, help or time to think. Try a word that feels close, without asking it to explain everything. You could continue: “What mattered to me here was …” Choose one small thing to try. ### What would you like to take into next time? Choose an action you can influence yourself. Asking for time to consider, asking a question or leaving a little time unplanned can be a first attempt. Then notice how it goes. Finish with: “Next time I would like to try …” ### You can leave the question open. If you notice yourself circling the same thoughts, you can finish with one observation and return another day. You choose both the pace and how much you want to explore. 04 / Take it with you ## Make room for an insight in your life. Perhaps you have discovered something you want to listen to more closely. When you want to continue, there are different paths depending on whether you would like to read on, work independently or have a personal conversation with me. At your own pace ### Create Change – Inside Out My online program has six modules, following a path from your starting point and relationship with yourself to self-leadership, habits and practical steps towards change. [Explore my program](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/online-programs/inside-out/) Together with me ### Individual coaching Would you like to explore your own questions in a conversation? In coaching, we start with your current situation, your goals and the change you want to create. [Read about coaching with me](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/services/coaching/) Keep reading ### From self-awareness to self-leadership Explore how you can take what you discover into conscious choices in everyday life. [Read about self-leadership](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/knowledge/self-leadership/) ## Curious about your patterns? Would you like support in understanding yourself a little better? Ask about coaching or how the program explores self-awareness. You are warmly welcome to email or call me. ## Frequently asked questions about self-awareness Understanding yourself can begin with something small. Here are a few questions to take with you. ### What does self-awareness mean in everyday life? Self-awareness is more than noticing signals and being curious. It includes understanding your motivations, strengths, vulnerabilities, reactions and recurring patterns, and how they shape your choices and relationships. - Understand what I feel and need - Recognise what triggers or influences me - See recurring patterns and reactions - Know what matters to me and why - Notice the difference between what I really want and what I do through habit, fear or adaptation - Understand how I affect others and relate to them Each observation can become a small piece in your understanding of yourself, giving you more room to make conscious choices. ### How can I begin to get to know myself? Choose one moment from your day and write: What happened? What did I notice in myself? What might I have needed? Be as concrete and kind as you can. You do not need to reach a solution to make room for reflection. Choose something small: a conversation, a break or a moment when you felt engaged. Return to what actually happened and leave room for more than one possible explanation. ### What if I get stuck analysing myself? You can keep the reflection brief and stop at a single observation. Then ask: Is there one small thing I would like to do differently? Sometimes the answer can be to pause and return later. You do not need to understand everything at once. Try narrowing “Why am I like this?” to “What happened in this particular situation?” The aim here is a useful observation, not thinking your way to a complete explanation of yourself. ### How do I move from insight to a next step? Choose something you have noticed and one small action that responds to that need. If you want more room for rest, your first step could be leaving a small pocket of time unscheduled. Continue with [self-leadership](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/knowledge/self-leadership/) or explore [Create Change – Inside Out](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/online-programs/inside-out/). Decide how you will notice whether the action met the need. Perhaps the break became possible, or you discovered a practical obstacle. Both give you something to work with when choosing again. ### How can I notice my own needs? Start with a concrete situation and ask what you needed more or less of there. It might be rest, clarity, connection, personal space or help with a task. Treat those words as possible descriptions to try, not a definitive answer. You can also compare two occasions: when did something feel easier, and what was different? Then choose a small way to make room for a possible need and notice how it works for you. ### How can I explore what matters to me? You can explore your values by looking at moments that felt meaningful and asking what you appreciated about them. Was it closeness, freedom, care, learning or something else? Describe the value in your own words with an everyday example. A value then needs to be translated into something you can choose. If closeness matters, ask how you want to give a relationship attention this week. Read about [self-leadership](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/knowledge/self-leadership/) when you want to move from understanding to action. ### What is the difference between self-awareness and self-criticism? Here, self-awareness is a curious exploration of what happens within you and what you need. Self-criticism often becomes an evaluative conclusion about yourself. Try separating an action you want to understand from a judgement about your whole self. “I postponed the conversation” describes an event. “I always fail” makes it much larger. Start with the event and ask what was difficult and what you want to try next time. ### Do I need to understand my past before exploring self-awareness? You can begin with what happens in your life now, without first explaining your whole background. An everyday observation may be enough: when do you feel engaged, what do you avoid and which needs keep returning? Past experiences may raise questions, but the exercises here do not require a deep review of them. Choose a manageable reflection and leave the rest open. You decide how much to explore or share in a first conversation. In my online programme [Skapa förändring – Inifrån & Ut](https://gentlechangebyelin.se/en/online-programs/inside-out/), we also explore how our history and background influence us today. Understanding where reactions and patterns come from can help you meet yourself with warmth, soften self-criticism and make conscious choices.